Home Alone (With Michael Jackson...)

No...

From the BBC:

A former chef employed by Michael Jackson in 1991 has told a court he once saw the pop star fondling child actor Macaulay Culkin.
Link

Struck dumb as I am? This'll fix that:

"I was shocked and almost dropped the French fries," the cook added, explaining he had gone to the actor's room at Neverland Ranch to deliver a late-night snack.

I honestly have no idea if this is true. If so, it is a horrible terrible, wrong.

If not the chef's testimony is, quite possibly, the funniest thing ever uttered by the clearly deranged beings that inhabit this planet.

Once more for posterity

"I was shocked and almost dropped the French fries,"

I got nothing folks...